Pain...How to manage*

I thought I would write about pain, because I had no idea the degrees and stages 'pain' can come in. How attach we are to it, how to manage that the ego does not take over? so many quetions? and I touch the surface only here. What is constantly in my mind is how in the world do people who are in constant pain, people who have to endure chimiotherapy and the aftereffects, people who dont have loving family and friends (the best medicine) can do this? I have an inmense appreciation for all human beings, but now after this last 10 days....all I think about is the people who suffer and how some of them dont have medicines available - and some of them, dont even live in a city or industrial nation....I have traveled thought a lot of these countries and was paying attention to just basic food and water, today I pay attention to pain....how do they do it?

This picture could not describe more how I've been feeling. My goal was always ot keep this blog 'inspirational, up beat, hopeful. In the last week or so I have 'programed' my mind - having the choice to just take lessons from this expirience and help others deal with this. The reality is....I must write the results of my second surgery - which is unfortanetly PAIN and more PAIN.....all day and all night.

One of my best friends and spiritual teachers wrote me something so on 'point' that it hit my heart and I think everyone can use also - i will share here:

"Anabelle, I know that this has been a very difficult time as you cooperate, struggle and work for health and wholeness. Thank God you are being held in the loving arms of your
Mother and Father. How hard this must be for you, Loli and Greg, to see your
daughter in so much pain. And yet, you are there by her side bringing her such comfort.

Surrender (Ishvara Pranidhana) is the ninth tenet of the Yamas and Ni-Yamas that we
spoke of. I think at this time that the greatest act you can do is to surrender to the
healing, loving forces of consciousness that are ever-present for you. This is a time to
re-learn that ego is not what will bring you through this... it is surrender to spirit that
will take you to your next plateau.

When "in the grip of the inferior"
your personality feels frightened by imagining doom and gloom possibilities. Remember,
my dear, that this is not reliable. You are in shadow when you are in pain. When you
emerge from this chrysalis state, you will return to equilibrium and become the beautiful
butterfly you are going to be."

So these words are sitting very deep in my heart and mind... and i will work on this for the moment I am going thru NOW. I will report on it as I learn in hopes it helps you also. ..believe.

My next assignment and work for this week of April 1 - is to examine separation of self and pain I need to leverage my strength, because this pain is not going away, so i cant fight it...so my work is to understand how not to fight the pain (!!)– make it my companion, be-friend it. This is the "learning" to do. I need to understand that this is the natural way of the ego, and I cant fight it.


I have been taking such grate care of choosing when to talk and not, my bodyguard (mom's new job) has also told everyone whose called - "nope, sorry no visitors, and not talking" we only broke the rule last night with Luz and Don, friends of Juank from Tampa came by to surprise us. Luz brought a little gift and DON - he sang for us.....He is the Frank Sinatra of Tampa. We opened the doors of my valcony, and with his pationate and deep voice, he sang song after song - we had such a good time. Also their friend Veronica, who is living here now - she's a doll, and my cousin Cristina....I had not had so much fun in weeks...... the night was so wonderful...then the pain settled in and I cried (dont try this when you go thru surgery PLEASE) till 2:00 am....crying moves all the muscles, nerves, and connections which is what HURTS like the devil.

To describe this pain the best is like having thousands of needles and pins constantly pokingat your mouth...under my nose there are hard core stitches, these hurt as if someone had punched me in the lip... Net net, the pain is horrendous, i cant describe how deep and constant it is.
I see my Dr. every other day, and the hundreds of stitches are desolving every day....taking the course they should. I cant remember how many pain killers i have been on, and we are back to Ketorolac (the one that was the miracle drug in the hospital) but its really damaging to the kidnesy so you can only be on it 5 days and then you must give your body a break. My dad, keeps track, if you know him....he follows instructions dotting every I and crossing every T... in typical Goyo fashion....he keeps track in a chart on his notebook where he writes everything...he is my angel and is quick to tell me as I approach the counter..."sweetie, one more hour"....then the usual happens we look at the three of us, and twist our head, shrink our sholders, and agree ...what the heck, what's 30 mintues 'go ahead' - in which i run or they run to bring it to me....so we are a trio of cheaters - with good intentions though, sort of like 'white lies' -

I know that all of you call and cant talk to me, so your emails are wonderful - so i stay connected to my inner world. I am going a little crazy without talking, i must admit....so somtimes I talk....today I was thinking, one of thos deep thinking moments...what is wors? not eating or not talking?

Back to pain....The Doctor wrote me from Hawaii (he does this every 2 hours) so at 5:30, he said that the majority of my pain is the nerves begining to respond and find their connection, there are thousands around your mouth...then the muscles too... JOY! The face is very complex...there was once an email that said it takes x# to smile and (twice)xx# to frown, its TRUE, in my case they both hurt tons, so i now have learned how to be 'poker face' instead of mini golf game face....translucent emotions - aha! that's the freaking lesson (sorry, my bad)

so since this last email, i have to have NO movement, no talking - not even, pls. can you bring me a glass of water ;o).....for 48 hours...the true silent treatment like in ICU - ….

Just to think that he has to touch my mouth again, i ran to the magic drawer and found the good old Florida Duck tape and put it across my face (only kidding) i cant get near my mouth not even to wash it...ahh yes, i will write a "tips" page, wash your face with a make up brush, i bought myself a Channel one - yup - the best - (i never do this) and its wonderful to wash your face with no pressure from your hands and then put nice cream....all your face was stretched out to do this operation and the skin has nothing to feed it...so you MUST put moisorizer on...help your skin. Your lips will tear 1,000 times a day -

My friend Whit wrote me this - I am practicing - here is it for you! and I will write more soon on Pain Management - learning so much - Yes, TV does not work for me....meditation does a little and separating the pain from me....just saying it's my body healing, the problem is that although I am convinced that "I am not my body, that I have a body", is not working...the body is to attached to me during this process and the pain follows - and it all gets mixed in....so i have to work at something else...

Whit writes: There are only three guidelines about dealing with pain that I latched on to and used with varying degrees of success depending on my level of concentration, and I have NO idea if these will help. They helped me, but of course every person and situation is different. Here is what I used/use:1. Hold in your attention/consciousness that the body and you are different. The body, your vehicle, is in pain. Not you. Your spirit/soul is your “you.” This helped me more to accept what is and EXPLORE what it might mean (through the pain) to observe my body as a phenomenon doing something very healthy is creating pain. 2. Concentrate on relaxing very muscle in your body and to totally surrender to the moment. In short, let go. Breathe as steadily and fully as you can. The opposite of this is to grimace, tighten some muscles, and take short breaths (or hold breath).3. Focus on something that is in moment. For example, I often would focus on my breathing, as quietly as possible. But you might focus (and I mean FOCUS) on something in the room, outside the window. You might take an attention-journey up and down the length of your body and limbs to notice their state, to feel the energy within the.