My Flowers...& View from My Hospital Windows

This cutie pie is from my friend Pablo.

He knows How I love and melt for dogs....

View in the street - i can see from my window...

this beautiful bouque is from Jim, Camille and Paige; its the winner on resistance.... this one bouque has lasted me 5 weeks, its just now blooking with a different flower - see it?

This one is from my wonderful friend Mercedes!

this one is from La chica Bum Bum and Frank Sinatra

This is from Maya and Julieta....this one too was a survivor - 4 weeks!

this beuty is from my executive coach Lorraine, who I hold very close to my heart.

This is the second runner up in staying beautiful - it's lasting also 5 weeks like Jim and Camille's...its from Shasta and Nicole -

Elena, a close friend from Cisco brought me a beutiful flower arrangemetn, she snuck it into ICU the first day....hummm, not sure how she did and it was not a little one!. I have to find the picture to post it. It was beautiful with may different spring flowers. I also got the tiniest and most delicate bouquet from Bev, from her back yard - it was just so delicate. The other one that is not in the picture is from my dear friend Terri Reid from Cisco St. Pete, she sent me a very pretty bouquet, but it did not last - i think the trip to California was tough on it. I get a card from her every week. What is the trick to my flowers? its not my green thumb or the aspirin powder they put in the arrangement - it was mom and the weather .....My mother took these flowers out every night, as its really chilli here at night and that keeps them beautiful...during the day - if it was apretty day, i would just look out to my balcony and see them if it was too cold, they were all in my family room...Thank you all for your kindness in sending these beautiful flowers and balloons to me! they do cheer me up every time i see them.....

Pain...How to manage*

I thought I would write about pain, because I had no idea the degrees and stages 'pain' can come in. How attach we are to it, how to manage that the ego does not take over? so many quetions? and I touch the surface only here. What is constantly in my mind is how in the world do people who are in constant pain, people who have to endure chimiotherapy and the aftereffects, people who dont have loving family and friends (the best medicine) can do this? I have an inmense appreciation for all human beings, but now after this last 10 days....all I think about is the people who suffer and how some of them dont have medicines available - and some of them, dont even live in a city or industrial nation....I have traveled thought a lot of these countries and was paying attention to just basic food and water, today I pay attention to pain....how do they do it?

This picture could not describe more how I've been feeling. My goal was always ot keep this blog 'inspirational, up beat, hopeful. In the last week or so I have 'programed' my mind - having the choice to just take lessons from this expirience and help others deal with this. The reality is....I must write the results of my second surgery - which is unfortanetly PAIN and more PAIN.....all day and all night.

One of my best friends and spiritual teachers wrote me something so on 'point' that it hit my heart and I think everyone can use also - i will share here:

"Anabelle, I know that this has been a very difficult time as you cooperate, struggle and work for health and wholeness. Thank God you are being held in the loving arms of your
Mother and Father. How hard this must be for you, Loli and Greg, to see your
daughter in so much pain. And yet, you are there by her side bringing her such comfort.

Surrender (Ishvara Pranidhana) is the ninth tenet of the Yamas and Ni-Yamas that we
spoke of. I think at this time that the greatest act you can do is to surrender to the
healing, loving forces of consciousness that are ever-present for you. This is a time to
re-learn that ego is not what will bring you through this... it is surrender to spirit that
will take you to your next plateau.

When "in the grip of the inferior"
your personality feels frightened by imagining doom and gloom possibilities. Remember,
my dear, that this is not reliable. You are in shadow when you are in pain. When you
emerge from this chrysalis state, you will return to equilibrium and become the beautiful
butterfly you are going to be."

So these words are sitting very deep in my heart and mind... and i will work on this for the moment I am going thru NOW. I will report on it as I learn in hopes it helps you also. ..believe.

My next assignment and work for this week of April 1 - is to examine separation of self and pain I need to leverage my strength, because this pain is not going away, so i cant fight it...so my work is to understand how not to fight the pain (!!)– make it my companion, be-friend it. This is the "learning" to do. I need to understand that this is the natural way of the ego, and I cant fight it.


I have been taking such grate care of choosing when to talk and not, my bodyguard (mom's new job) has also told everyone whose called - "nope, sorry no visitors, and not talking" we only broke the rule last night with Luz and Don, friends of Juank from Tampa came by to surprise us. Luz brought a little gift and DON - he sang for us.....He is the Frank Sinatra of Tampa. We opened the doors of my valcony, and with his pationate and deep voice, he sang song after song - we had such a good time. Also their friend Veronica, who is living here now - she's a doll, and my cousin Cristina....I had not had so much fun in weeks...... the night was so wonderful...then the pain settled in and I cried (dont try this when you go thru surgery PLEASE) till 2:00 am....crying moves all the muscles, nerves, and connections which is what HURTS like the devil.

To describe this pain the best is like having thousands of needles and pins constantly pokingat your mouth...under my nose there are hard core stitches, these hurt as if someone had punched me in the lip... Net net, the pain is horrendous, i cant describe how deep and constant it is.
I see my Dr. every other day, and the hundreds of stitches are desolving every day....taking the course they should. I cant remember how many pain killers i have been on, and we are back to Ketorolac (the one that was the miracle drug in the hospital) but its really damaging to the kidnesy so you can only be on it 5 days and then you must give your body a break. My dad, keeps track, if you know him....he follows instructions dotting every I and crossing every T... in typical Goyo fashion....he keeps track in a chart on his notebook where he writes everything...he is my angel and is quick to tell me as I approach the counter..."sweetie, one more hour"....then the usual happens we look at the three of us, and twist our head, shrink our sholders, and agree ...what the heck, what's 30 mintues 'go ahead' - in which i run or they run to bring it to me....so we are a trio of cheaters - with good intentions though, sort of like 'white lies' -

I know that all of you call and cant talk to me, so your emails are wonderful - so i stay connected to my inner world. I am going a little crazy without talking, i must admit....so somtimes I talk....today I was thinking, one of thos deep thinking moments...what is wors? not eating or not talking?

Back to pain....The Doctor wrote me from Hawaii (he does this every 2 hours) so at 5:30, he said that the majority of my pain is the nerves begining to respond and find their connection, there are thousands around your mouth...then the muscles too... JOY! The face is very complex...there was once an email that said it takes x# to smile and (twice)xx# to frown, its TRUE, in my case they both hurt tons, so i now have learned how to be 'poker face' instead of mini golf game face....translucent emotions - aha! that's the freaking lesson (sorry, my bad)

so since this last email, i have to have NO movement, no talking - not even, pls. can you bring me a glass of water ;o).....for 48 hours...the true silent treatment like in ICU - ….

Just to think that he has to touch my mouth again, i ran to the magic drawer and found the good old Florida Duck tape and put it across my face (only kidding) i cant get near my mouth not even to wash it...ahh yes, i will write a "tips" page, wash your face with a make up brush, i bought myself a Channel one - yup - the best - (i never do this) and its wonderful to wash your face with no pressure from your hands and then put nice cream....all your face was stretched out to do this operation and the skin has nothing to feed it...so you MUST put moisorizer on...help your skin. Your lips will tear 1,000 times a day -

My friend Whit wrote me this - I am practicing - here is it for you! and I will write more soon on Pain Management - learning so much - Yes, TV does not work for me....meditation does a little and separating the pain from me....just saying it's my body healing, the problem is that although I am convinced that "I am not my body, that I have a body", is not working...the body is to attached to me during this process and the pain follows - and it all gets mixed in....so i have to work at something else...

Whit writes: There are only three guidelines about dealing with pain that I latched on to and used with varying degrees of success depending on my level of concentration, and I have NO idea if these will help. They helped me, but of course every person and situation is different. Here is what I used/use:1. Hold in your attention/consciousness that the body and you are different. The body, your vehicle, is in pain. Not you. Your spirit/soul is your “you.” This helped me more to accept what is and EXPLORE what it might mean (through the pain) to observe my body as a phenomenon doing something very healthy is creating pain. 2. Concentrate on relaxing very muscle in your body and to totally surrender to the moment. In short, let go. Breathe as steadily and fully as you can. The opposite of this is to grimace, tighten some muscles, and take short breaths (or hold breath).3. Focus on something that is in moment. For example, I often would focus on my breathing, as quietly as possible. But you might focus (and I mean FOCUS) on something in the room, outside the window. You might take an attention-journey up and down the length of your body and limbs to notice their state, to feel the energy within the.

Sleep Study Report Bloopers - Roger's Blog

This is very very funny...it came from a great blogger from Texas. Roger - I got a kick out of them...


Total sleep time was 312 days with an efficiency index of 62%.
Snoring was pleasant during study.
Waking up choking and grasping for air.
Patient slept peacefully in waiting room, no data.
Patient left facility without permission, possibly asleep.
Complaints of inflamed memory are common.
Patient has experienced disrupted sleep since 1898.
Arrived at clinic on time, but without clothing.
Insomnia resulting in excessive sleep.
No cardiac rhythm detected.
A slight noise was noticed upon expiration.
Patient brought medicine - M&Ms.
Reports normal sleep including short bursts of screaming.
Adjusted well to full-face rash.
Patient had multiple arousals while awake.
Both studies experienced machine failure, please schedule another.
Patient claims cannot sleep without waking up, cannot stay awake without falling asleep.
His rapid heart rate eventually subsided.
Experienced no difficulty in perspiration.
Patient complains of constant traffic accidents.
PLMD test discovered no limbs.
Study indicates destructive sleep apnea syndrome.
Patient refused CRAP.
Roger's

Things I HAD to share...MMA Candidates...

There are many things that happen physically to your body and face thru this process. Besides looking like Jay Leno...What i will share with you is only my experience, I can be sure that you may have a very different experience and this may or may not be helpful but my intention is to share everythign possible that can prepare you better, so here it goes:

Your face......outside of knowing that it WILL hurt for a little while....know that my experience will be different since I had to have 2 surgerys. I will share what i felt after the first surgery, actully the ONLY difference with the second surgery is that the second has been a LOT more painful and much longer recovery. Also with the second since there were more pain killer meds, my stomach was also in disarray. The rest of the pain to the nth degree after second it must be, by logic, because my poor jaw and mouth were already sore from going thru the first MMA surgery of 6 hours....then messing with my sour mouth again....is probably just a natural response. I will talk about this later, as most of you, probably all of you who read this blog that are going to go thru MMA ...So speaking of my face. Physically, I was swollen for 3 weeks the surgery bruces dont show up until 4-6 days later and these begin to turn all kinds of color. My lips were pealing and constantly shedding and hurting, I imagine it must be from all the stretching the surgeon has to do, afterall, all i had were to tiny incistions in my cheak. The stitches from those incisions are cut but Dr. after 5 days from the surgery. My other stitches were internal and they disolved. The lips begin to gain their natural state after many many tubes of chapstick...I am not kidding. The other thing that happens after 2 weeks, is that you begin to feel inside the mouth, so you begin to feel these horrible wires that are holding your arch bar.....they are not nice...they are sticking stright into your mouth - so make sure you get some wax from your doctor an shape it all over. You must, i reinforce, get a lot of little boxes of wax. I am very picky with hygene and my mouth....dentist is one i never missed since I was very young - every 6 months. So with this in mind, wax comes off every other day, when i do a deep cleaning....I will talk about the toothbrush soon.....but i always have a bottle of seilene water ( i think that is what is called) ask the hospital to give you plenty in your doggy bag. I rinse with this because it heals your wounds.....then i also bought ALCOHOL - FREE mouth wash.... so i do both ( I told you I was picky). Some people buy baby toothbrush, I did too. What i found works best is my electrical toothbrush, but 'brush' itself is very gentle....the brand is %$%%^&^&&***.

(Comercial)
ohh yes, before I forget, Johnson baby powder....is magical - they put it on my chest and arms at Stanford and I felt so good - so I now buy it and put it on twice a day - its refreshing and comforting ----no wonder babys are mostly happy after they get their powder ;o). I forgot about it and I garantee you, it too will make a difference for you.

My face around my chin area developed little bumps, like a rash. You cant see them but you can certainly feel them. So, i wash my face 2-3 times a day. I can feel the pressure of my hands and cant really do a good job of controlling how hard i press, because most of my face (eyes down) is numb...chin area mostly. So i decided to use one of my make up brushes...since I dont use make-up, i must have been with my friend Adriana and bought it out of impulse. But glad I did. I took that brush and put glicerine soap and then i can see (and not have to feel the pressure) on the mirror that I have put soap all over my face. I rince with luke warm water. After, with the SAME brush, which is magically gentle on your face, I put moisturizer, anything tha has hydration and is good for your face...if you are man reading this, get Aveeno, its not girly, if you are woman - you have tons of this all over your bathroom - any face cream...but make sure you load it on....again i think this is a reaction from stretching your face. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE, as I said, may not be yours, we are all different!

What happens with my body? yes, I am getting to that. Good news is you will loose weight...eating thru a syringe and only liquid can get crazy. so I will create a menu and helpful hings section. I LOVE to cook, so everyday, part of my energy and action goes to cooking ( I never thought in my life, I wouls say this) so strange things happen during recovery from this surgery, one of them was really knowing that cooking without being able to taste is really hard but it is still my number one past time in recovery. I am lucky my parents love me, they eat everythign I cook and every day is a different country. They sometimes end up eating also some of my recipies I will share in this blog...yummy soups! So, on with what happens to my body ( as I still experience it)...YOU must try to move as much as possible, i did not do this in days where the pain was great (most after the second surgery). After the firs surgery, i was up and full of energy in 1 week maxed...My recovery was fast. On this second one, it has not been fast and it has been a lot more painful...so this is where the famous question which comes first he chicken or the egg? comes to mind. The pain would not le me get up from my 'throne" as my dad calles it.....otherwise your best friend thru this process ' the couch'. So since you cant get up, you dont walk or exercise...which is actully worst. So I was in a lot of pain througout my mouth, and still am, primarily my lips. Then my stomach was really mest up for a few days. I think it was all the meds and not eating a lot...that has passed, thank GOD. I WAS VERY and I put in capital letters and continue to be...constipated. I do fiber in my shakes twice a day, I dont eat foods that dont facilitate the process...I have to take magnessian milk, discusting stuff that they insists is "cherry flavor" ....lots of pineaple, papaya and prune shakes....I even have issues with all this...So I hope it goes better for you - but dont feel OMG if you are constipated. This of course with all the meds, does not feel like a very healthy body....and like my mouth hygene, I pay tons of attention to food (choose organic vs. anythign) etc. I do have a stomach of a rock as I have grown up and traveled thru many third world countries, so my stomack can take anything...but its in pretty sad shape from meds and not getting rouphage ( i think the call it) from vegies and salads....just liquids -

I also experienced something wierd. My body temperature. It woudl drop like in 5 secons to being freezing and then it would also go up very high. It reminded me so much of being in Florida...its either scorching hot outside, saunas are free there, or freezing goin into any office, mall, resturant....So not sure what this is, maybe home sick =).

well I will write more on this experience soon, I am sure things will come to mind. For now I leave you with below interesting thing and sayings.







This was read at one of my sweet friend's mom's funeral… Felicia, on the right. Mrs. Rose was a pistol and very involved with her community in NY.


From Mrs. Rose Sevilla:
To laugh often and much to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;to appreciate beauty, to find the bestin others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy childa garden patch or redeemedsocial condition; to know evenone life has breathed easier becauseyou have lived. This is to have succeeded.




Isn't Beautiful?

Search Engine - UNBELIVABLE - try it.

This is the coolest search engine in the world - it is awesome! and enter any question...really..and watch what happens. I asked for where is the nearest pharmacy, also typed 'mountain bike' why are we in Iraq? ...but go ahead...try it. I was blown away by the technology...the kitty is just cute - here it is:

http://www.msdewey.com/

Dr. Visit - 6 days after 2nd surgery

Funny Dr.....he still does not know me.....so he said...in a very nice tone - Anabelle, "Now what part of quiet didn't you understand?"

Overall, its been a good day today, the new pain killers are working well -

What I can tell you is that i have lost now 12 lbs...yes, that is the only part that is great about this surgery -

He also cut some of the wires and told me the 200+ stitches will begin to disolve. I will see him again this Thursday. For those of you writing me in the other blog at Sleepnet - I am not posting there anymore. I save my energy for this blog. If you need to reach me you know how.

it's been a good day and very long - talk to you soon. MAKE SURE YOU STAY QUIET>>>>>>something that I find the most difficult for me in this journey...

Post 2nd Surgery***Yo, Getto people, jelous yet? nice shiny stuff on my teeth....baaaad! to the bone. -

These below X-rays, you should not worry about as you will most likely only go throught ONE MMA surgery....it just shows more wires and more screws to the jaws...

Hi, just came back from my surgeon's office. Pain level is down, very low today! hurrray! I have been very happy because I have some of my old friends from Tampa writing, my beautiful Cisco collegues, and family.......I am truly overwhelmed with love and sincere human kindness!

Well, as the tiltle says, more wires and more screws after this second surgery......Have a look and please dont even try to rob me, these are not gold screws or wires, these are titanium and they are all MINE.....i dont share - Thank God!

Meet my friend Willow, on the first picture! he is a special patient dog at Stanfordl....you know my love for animals specially Dogs.....He turly brought me such joy! i did not want to let him go.....these animals are truly healers.

Meet my Cisco Family....

Beck the "beautiful heart and soul " Smile =)

Mikey! yes this ia directory picture, but charming as always! Mike, your calls and well wishes mean the world!
These 2 beautiful girls are Van Dang and Shasta Ott. Van is one of Cisco's most caring and smartest executives. She was my executive sponsor on a ww program to push IT education grades K-12. Next, is Shasta...who now has this program at Cisco. Shasta is "intern of the year' but more than her smarts, disposition, she's just a very kind and beautiful little person.

Here is Keith Goodwin, Cisco's Top Leader (yes, I am biased). I have had 8 Executive bosses, and about 20 in my career....Keith is second to none...His charisma and leadership lead one of the biggest teams in the industry! that ought to tell ya!



This here beautiful friend is Maria Fry! my Parissian nani (that is because I too tell her, she is raising my kids)....for just a little while until i get better.

Mary!!! My Special Mary! She's the first woman in Cisco, after one week in a new job, who lent me a hand and has never let go!

T
On the left, i sexy Pam....need I say more?

i still dont know how to fit all my pictures - but I wanted to put some of the pictures of these friends, i also notice...i am missing Laura Quintana, Patrick, Carmen,...My little sis Shasta....well, I have a new camera and I will get bussy soon!