Anabelle " Breathing'...a Blessing." ...MMAJourney

Little News

2007-06-26T05:38:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone, i have had little computer time for several reasons, one is because I can talk now and move about out of the couch.... another is lack of connectivity and the third is that the storm has passed and things are improving very very well, very very slow, but well. I miss the frequent interaction with my friends, and I get a good laugh and a great feeling when i get complaints about "hey, why arent you updateing your blog" ....I do feel special, he, he,he. After thinking about time and who I wanted to be with, I decided to go to Spain with my folks. I also get to visit with my grandma, she's my 94 year old inspiration and role model. I sleep a lot, eat well and enjoy the weather and my nieces, nephews and dear cousin Ana. This sure beats the hospital.... (LOL). I dont have access to internet at my parent's since we are here for such a short period of time, so I dont check emails or the blog often.

I did have many messages from new people who are going to do similar surgeries and were seeking information....ahhh, one of my wishes came thru - to be able to be an instrument of help thru my experience.

As for me, spirits are up, flowers are blooming, breathing is impecable, sleeping is ok as long as I take my insomnia meds(10 hours or more), otherwise, still struggiling to battle insomnia, but iit will come - My goal is July. My body is getting stronger and i have a much more balanced digestive system, not 100% consistently but much improvement. I think it has a lot to do with my ability to move and be able to exercise and I am down to only one med as opposed to 6! My upper lip is at 90% painfree and the nerv and muscle connection are noticable every day. My lower left quadrant is 60% and my lower right and chin, still numb, no feeling. The gums still excert pressure against the teeth as they are re-aligning and finding their new home. I still find temparature changes to impact my teeth, so i am careful about extremes...My face is recovering well, not used to it but at least I now have more definition to my face and the cheeckbones are showing up =).

So, all is looking up and progressing well (slow) but well.

I leave you with my latest learning - Keeping a positive mind is the simple ingredient, at the same time as being and accepting 'what is'. It takes diligent work to stay well connected with a holistic view of myself, the total person. This healing time reveals the importance of recognizing the unity of my mind, body, emotions, and spirit. I am working hard to continue to be aware of the present moment without falling in missing so much what I am used to....this is a new life, I got a new lease in life!...I do miss my co-workers and amazing energy and satisfaction I get from my professional life and Cisco and I look forward to my return. It has been a very fulfilling journey that has helped me free energy that was locked in only few parts of my life. I live more fully and effectively, very centered in my experience, I reach up and out daily to take what the world has to offer with an open mind and without any physical or emotional attachements.

much happiness and health,

Anabelle

Be strong and balanced

2007-05-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

Here I am...last Friday ...still a bit swollen but can pretend....a pretty good 'fromage' with a better expression than 2 weeks ago, right?

I hope this post finds you all in great spirits, with high energy and surrounded by love.

Sorry I have not written in a while...things have been mixed - relieved from wires, moving on, not moving on....yes, life's been a paradoxy in the past 3 weeks.

I had several doctor appointments and things are progressing slowly (at least for my pace of life)

I am doing wonderful (paradoxy)– to put things in perspective…..slowly healing – the mouth is much better without all the wires and archers – by 1,0000 x – the lips are not connecting very fast so I am still on the one medicine and some other mild ones, not as harsh as the Codeine. The teeth hurt as usual...about a '6" and i brush them very lightly...The chin will be numb for 5 more months, the bones will take 2 years to fully heal, I still cannot eat any solids, but I can open my mouth and stick one finger in ;o) – progress, progress!

My body I still pretty weak and managing to get rid of all the meds so it too is healing. –
I saw 3 other doctors at Stanford last week, in conclusion, my stomach is not doing well yet – it will come. My heart decided to rebel, but I have many more tests, thus far they found a heart murmur, it appeared after the second surgery – so I think we need to just monitor it. My immune system is a bit out of wack and my thyroid decided to stop working – (this last one is easy to fix with a little pill) –

For now, I will have to stay off work given all the medical conditions and that physically two surgeries do take a while to get strength back, I need to let my body catch up, and continue to be patient thru this healing process....still learning. I so much wanted to see my Cisco friends and family! I miss Cisco and the people so much.

As to what I have learned in the past 3 weeks is that pain continues to become my friend. Friends, as you know we choose. So its a play between what the body needs to do to repair and willful self-effort to overcome it. Half of it you have no control over, half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consecuences in how you feel the rest of they day. We are not entirely puppets of this pain nor are we the captain of the ship...its a little of both. I once read this and felt it was so much what I experience: We will gallop thru this recovery and pain as circus performers balancing on two speeding side-by-side horses, one foot is in one horse called 'fate' one is in one called 'free-will'...And the question you have to ask every day is - which horse is which? which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it's not under my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort?

There is a lot about this pain that you cannot control, but you can control how you react to it. I can decide how I spend my time thinking about it or keeping busy, how I choose the words to describe this pain, (sometimes there are none), and where I focus my energy (in and out). So in the end, I choose what to read, who to interact with, what I eat...I can also choose how I regard unfortunate circumstances in my life...wether I will see them as obstacles or opportunities. At times, when I cant rise to the optimistic view of things, because the pain does take over...I remind myself, that in this situation, I CAN choose my thoughts....and send healing energy to my mouth.

This process reminded me of the Balenese culture. The Balenese are global masters of balance, the people for whom the maintenance of perfecdt equilibrium is an art, a science and a religion. Children are taught to approach all hardship and discomfort with a 'shining face", a giant smile (that would be pushing it for me, but you get my drift).

Havent found the prefect balance or magic formula....but i have reached an answer to my ever lasting question: so what can I do about this pain? Nothing, this is the nature of the body's process to heal, I now worry about my crazy head...and how to manage the mind, and this practice works the more intentionally I do it, it brings great peace to me and the healing process. This is the same concept as happiness...it is the concequence of personal effort...you fight and insist for it. You have to participate relentless in the manisfestation of your own blessings....I pray to God that I can hold on to peace & my blessings daily...and my family and closest friends continue to be a great force of inspiration.

My guru told me that the body is made up of more or less 5 elements: fire, water, wind, sky, and earth....to stay strong you must meditate on all these 5 and you will receive energy from all of these sources and you will stay strong. This is my practice daily -

So my experience is the same in the end, except I am confident it's better to be happy on this journey!

My blog has truly been therapy and the people who have read it and keep telling me..."hey, where are you? you havent written? what's up? - are truly what keep me going ....I have to share that this process will give you such gifts if you open your heart and mind to it....I realize that petty irrations that once maddened me, are no longer problems...and some amazing britght and beautiful people began to arrive into my world, some that had not surfaced for a while and that I had mistaken how much their friendship means to me.

Last, i wish there was a way to properly acknowledge my cherrished parents for all their kindness, great sense of humor and courage thru this last 3 months...I dont know how to ever express or demontstrate to them what it means. To my friends ...thank you for showing such tremendous human genorisity... regardless of wires, pain or closed 'lips' i will find a way to say 'THANK YOU'....to you - and I will do as long as I have a voice...I will forever and sincerely THANK YOU.

Anabelle

Wireless! Me too...sign up for Cisco's Latest Technology!

2007-04-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

If this is your first time visting the blog - the key topics on MMA are denoted by *** Starte in March to see history, X-rays and facts....

Here we are, riding another wave!...onward, onward!

Hi and Cheers from the Ex- Heavy Metal girl!

YESSS! today my arch bars and all the hardware store in my mouth is gone!!!

I forgot what it feels like to not carry all this metal and weight around....but believe me I am so glad it is all gone. We left at 9:30 this morning, my girlfriend Shasta came to get us. We arrived at Dr. Li's office and the anestethiologist was already there, boy he had review my whole file....and almost life....which was a great feeling, in 20 minutes, he connected the IV...and in 10 seconds i was asleep. I then woke up an hour later or soand saw the nurse and since I could not talk I wrote down some questions:

Did you get the license plate of the bus that hit me?

Did they deliver my pizza yet?

Was it a boy or a girl?

Can I get a room that doesn’t spin so much?

Did they remove all of my tattoos?

What year is it?

What name did I use when I was admitted?

What is the in-flight movie?

I can do it.

I can’t do it.

I didn’t do it.

Are we in Paris yet?

When does the buffet open?

That’s against my religion.

Will this put me in a different tax bracket?

Did they get the bullet out?

Could I get a room that is closer to the pool?

Would you like to hear me sing?

How many unicorns do you see?

Has my Probation Officer called?

Have the photographers from Vogue arrived yet?

This is my surgeon, Dr. Li...Isn't he the cutest! his hands are like dancing butterflies and smaller than a 10 year old's hands - (notice i am tipping foward here, as I am a 'head' taller than him...he's a genious.

the last of my arch bars - gone today!

Dr. Li's Angels! They make my day when I go in - what beautiful girls!

April 17 - up and down...

2007-04-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

hi....just to report that my pain has been managed with the pain killers, one is with codeine...popular among my friends..only kidding.

Although, after some great days of just the 'usual pain' ...with the 'I already know what this pain is like" manage it, surrender, keep your mind bussy...it will pass....then last night at 6:30 - a very steep lower lip/jaw pain showed up, got me on my knees...today the same thing. I felt like the bunny in this picture.... - i was in good stable spirits during the day, wen to lunch with one of my great friends from Cisco, had fish..yup solid food - heavenly solid food...I even paid my taxes...(that was painful to my pocket)...went to post office with dad, and they almost closed the door on our face....and then after 6:30 - pain, pain and more pain - it's past midnight and i am on pain...

I think is the nerve system again as explained in the other days and is also the fact that the arches and wires are just putting tremendous pressure on my jaws. So this Wednesday will be a blessing to get this off - I dont have to go Stanford hospital, it will be in the Surgeon's clinic...at around 10:30 am. SO turn on the prayers, energy and souls to this side of the country and world and send them all my way - sound selfish? well, in times like this - I am.

and i will leave you with some humor! have a great night and wonderful week. I will write again on Thursday or Friday -

I cannot identify more with Randy....I stay away from the refrigidator these days!

No way, by now I probably could have bought a mountain in California - =)

Eat, Heal and Love!

2007-04-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

Hola ALL, Hope you are having a terrific day – if you are not….by the end of my email, I guarantee you one! But all-the-way to the end – so stop for 4-5 minutes. That is all it will take….get to the ok?

Most important for me to share – is I ate homemade meatballs and rice!!! Yes, solid food. I swear, and don’t underestimate me… I had the best meal of my life!!!! The blog continues to be a good work in progress and I get lots of great feedback on it. I haven’t published it yet, but hopefully by Friday – that is my new goal. I have updated and refined previous sections, added a couple too. There are more pictures to the sections and more to come…with Friends and Family….. As for mine, well I still am looking very much like Jay Leno or the lady en le “planeta de los simios” for the Spanish speakers. Got a while for looks to be back….but my spirit is back!

I can eat solif foods.....next it will be a carrott....yeah right! but dreaming is good -

Pain and Healing - Other news, Pain is up and down, but very well managed as opposed to last week. The back of jaws have healed wonderfully – the front is the trouble that is kicking and screaming to heal. The front teeth hold a lot of anger….and the thousands of nerve endings keep connecting every second and also kicking and screaming….it’s really a B….th…. The 200 stitches inside the mouth are all gone – they dissolved and they were like little butterflyes in the sink – took about 5 days to all dissolve and fly away. There is barely a scar in my cheeks - ;o) thank God for tough skin – you cant even tell. All of it will heal in 6 months _ totally heal – that’s the Dr. diagnostic, but the good news is that all of it IS healing and today is better than last week – onward! Riding the wave.

Other areas: The purple bruises are all gone, face and neck skin is back to normal, although it was so stretched, It too is finding its new home. I still have little pumps in my skin – from the stretching of the second operation. My body has lost 20#’s – a good thing, however, it is weak despite all the healthy organic foods (check out the menu section) …I guess its too much for it with meds and not a lot of movement. Physically, I can only go for a couple of hours and then I feel like I did a triathlon, never the less, I get out every day just a little. The weather is beautiful.

And to finalize the good news, ALL my arch metal bars, braces and wires are coming off , YES OFF, the 18TH at 10:00 am. My Dr. does not want me to go to Stanford again, so he is bringing the anesthesiologist to his clinic…..isn’t he the best? He said – his got a max. quota of 2, that patients should be a Stanford and I reached it – so it’s on him to make me comfortable as much as he can….without further news,

I found this message very pretty so before closing i will share it - what is Spirituality ?
The end of religion is the beginning of spirituality; the end of spirituality is the beginning of Reality and the end of Reality is the real Bliss.

I leave you with this great video! it takes 3 minutes and its so invigorating - warmly, Anabelle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDRId6QmNTA__,_._,___

Day 18 after Surgery II *

2007-04-08T21:24:00.000-07:00

Hi, today is Easter Sunday - a great day to write you and give you an update. I am on the couch having a nice cold one!

A week ago, i could not event write, as you can tell by my picture, much better since last Thursday. The pain seems to want to do what it wants....some times during the day it lets me know its there (all day) but then during sunset or so, it really tells me it's there and it does so till 1:00 or so am when I take my Ambian and meditate .....finally falling asleep with hopes of a brand new day.

So I am still on different pain meds and codeine.....Down to 2 only as opposed to 4 last weeks....this is one heck of a mending operation - mind you - its the Second Surgery....so on my first one I can tell you that my pain was less by this time....much less. And I am sure you will only have to do 1 operation.....so you will be done! by day 18!

Well, as all my friends write and call - why? why? what's going on? Well, we are not sure why this is persisting so long. My gums have a great deal of pressure and pain, as when someone punches you out! the guys know what this feels like, the girls if you ever had your wisdom extracted well that x10. Both lips lips hurt in that the nerves and muscles are mending still.....and there are thousand of them. So I am still on very very limited talking...I am still going in sane without being able to talk to you on the phone.....but I will start to have visitors this week and then control my talking....

My Dr. is not sure why this is taking so long to heal....out of the many surgeries he performs, all very similar for different reasons, he has only had to do a second surgery on one other patient ever....so this too must be an experiment in itself for him.

Lessons learned, ahhh yes, there is no section without lessons learned: I am still learning....regarding pain, i can tell you that what is emerging for me is that this time home without anything else to do is guiding me into a path of insight and learning upon which I would otherwise would have never set foot. I am definately learning a greater meaning of life! Our lives are full of misteries, and some may be unsolved...that too was a lesson this week. havin said that, you dont have to have this much pain in order to discover this simple lessons...So this process is teaching me to treat the breathing issue, so the physical, as well as the spirtual equally. So i want to ensure that when i refer to energy...positive - i mean physical and spiritual...so i need to bring those 2 to the same level playing field, as we say in business. I find myself seeing a lot of my experiences and people who are in my life, well their actions, when positive and kind and their souls speaks to me .....i take very personal....when others have not shown themselves...i have learned to take this more on an impersonal terms, so i view our union with an overarching concious level without any blame or judgement.

I begin to understand that the energy that resides in us, physically and spiritually and in our minds, is the same as God's, or the greater divinity, if you prefer. So my life choices affect my spirit and health. In so, i am learning how to manage this pain... experiencing patience and surrender techniques (not easy). I once read that difficulty and illness are a necessary part of our spiritual evolution. So I now interpret that that I must, everyday...every minute work at creating meaning of this diruption in my life.

Have a great week, and that's all folks!

The Children in my Life.....

2007-04-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

The latest Pinto Baby - born April 20Th....his name is Nico and he lives in Madrid - he is just such a little garganzito -

Marina and Mariona, halloween in the US!

Valerie's little one..... of 3.

Alejandro doing his best - yum yum....(it was Titi's day to feed him)
Alberto with his serious look -

Mariona and Chou - 2 years ago.

Peek a boo.....Maria's children - Leonor and Adrian in Provence.

Here are Mariana and Nati 18 months ago in Venezuela.

Sami and Janae a year ago.

Sofia and Eugenia in Caracas!

Sebastian and Nico, one my closest friend from Peru, his boys! cutest little guys -

Mariana...my little mermaid.

The clown in the family - Nati

Marina in Croatia with grandma Pili

Nestorin - future husband...

Future husband flirting

Mark - the little flea of them all! Began skiing very young - he is 4 now!

Aiden, San Francisco!

Luciana! Peru's Ironman!

Juanmi in my pool! 2 years ago

My baby! sleeping

Mariona! Tampa

Crazy Samira! playing Marilyn Monroe

Josh! Josh and gorgous Josh!

Maya! 4 months old

Vanessa - 13 years old - Halloween!

These are the little people in my life, who bring me enormous Joy! I am the 'richest' (in love) aunty in the world - also known as TITI...

Menus and Hints*

2007-04-05T00:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, now that I can dream again...what do you think I dream of? well, before you go to far....I dream of filet mignon and french fries....great biggle salads and chips ans salsa! I used to count sheep, i know count cows...humm, such is life! Everything I cant touch for a while. So, i have decided that this will not be the "Ensure" diet. They do come in handy, though. No complaints. This is NOT the time to diet, your body needs all it can get to mend your jaw and recover fast...

Dream picture...cruel...very cruel.

Since we are on a liquid diet for a while here is what to get:

PS. Natural is better, more work, but what else you got to do? take care of yourself, take the time to do this. If you are a cook, you can skip this part of the blog except for some tips that may come in handy... If you are not, I hope all this is helpful to your recovery and entertainment!

WHAT TO BUY BEFORE SURGERY!

1. Ensure (Vanilla is my favorite...there are different kinds too)

2. Chicken Broth - tons of it...and not the cubes, the broth on a carton, already made. In California they have Organic. so when you can, BUY ORGANIC your body will thank you.

3. Prune Juice

4. All the fruit desserts for Baby's - Specially Prune ones

5. Cranberry Juice and Papaya Juice (If you can do Papaya in the blender....better)

6. If you live in California, all the soups in Trader Joe's are wonderful

7. Protein Powder

8. Pastina...this is the smallest pasta you can find in the supermarket (stars, ABC, dots)

9. Yougourt, the drinking kind - Activia is wonderful as it repairs your intestinal flora...(tummy)

10. Leeks, onions, carrots, sweet potatoe, pumpkin, Eikhorn squash (spelling?); potatoes, coliflower, sparragous, cheik peas (garbanzos) lentils.

11. Half and Half

12. Butter (real stuff) not the I cant believe is not butter or margarine ...Real BUTTER.

13. Eggs.....Please if you can buy Omega 3 eggs, or free range.....they not only taste better but are better for you - ONLY put the best in your system...it gest little as it is.

14. Organic Baby Food (make sure it does not have 'rice' in it)

15. Wine....ooops, did I say wine? Well, i cant live without it and grew up drinking it...as my dad says water rustes you.....I can have a glass, ask your doc, thoudh...

16. Plenty of water...

17. Fish, white - either cod or sea bass ...also Salmon works great

18. Leek and vegetable soup packets (these are powder) but they are soup packets. I dont like cans....but if you dont mind, the Cambles makes a good chicken cream (a bit salty)...but do still get these envelopes...they will come handy in the recipies I will give you -

19. Frozen fruit and lots of fresh fruit
remember that you will loose weight on this process, but more importantly is remember that you need to stay very very nourished during the process, so that your bones can heal quickly, so dont diet.....you need all the nutrients you can get to heal.

I will break this up by food groups, you can exchange them however they work best for you -

Breakfast choices:
protein Shake with fruit - any fruit you want (bananas, blue berries, pinaple, mango)
or
protein shake with milk
or
Papaya shake (this is a miracle fruit, because it cleans your digestive track) ....highly recommended
or
Ensure - my favorite flavours are vanilla then chocolate
once you can open your teech a little bit, after 1st or 2nd visit, you can also cook scramble eggs
or
Oatmeal...do not buy instant if you can stand the cooking on the natural, its best. I put vanilla and a little cinamon and yes, sugar or splenda.....how it best works for me, is my mom's recipe when i was a little baby - i still have to put in the blender and make it very liguid so you can put in the siringe or the bags, come in handy here...also.

Lunch or Dinner Choices:

Your base for ANY soup is Chicken Broth (organic is better) - dont buy chicke buyon, it has too much salt....just the borth in the carton is better (no can stuff either)

Any cream soup from Trader Joe's or any 'up scale' super market - they are usually ORGANIC, during this process, Organic is excellent, you will be taking so many painkillers, that if you can avoid adding anything else to your body to have to process, then better -

Get out of there Jack!

Recipies:
I. Cream of Squash
Buy any squash you like from all the selections
2 onions,
1/2 pumpking,
1 big sweet potato,
garlic (optional) although a very healing food - i put it everywhere...
sweet small peppers (not spicy stuff)
1 carton of the chicken broth....You need to be able to 'almost cover all these vegies with the broth.
If you know how to cook in a pressure cooker - this is all going in there raw - put it on high, then when it starts to "sing" i have no idea how you say this in English....You lower the fire to medium (5) or so, you make sure it does this for 20 minutes, so in total you will need 30 minutes! Then you remove all the vegies and through them in the blender with the hot broth. I have a hard time peeling the squach (aighorn) before is cooked, so i wash it real good and cut it in half and put in pressure cooker with skin, then i have to remove once is all done - before i put in the blender. If you dont have a pressure cooker, a big pot and it should all boil for at least one hour...This soup should last you for at least 6 servings, so you can freeze the rest in ziplocks and only take them out when you need them!

II. White Vegetable Medly:

Similar cooking process as above -
Vegies: Leeks, potatoes and sparagous on chicken Broth

III. Eggs - poached
this you can only have like 2 weeks after surgery
Boil water, put 2 eggs in it for 10 minutes....dont let them get too hard....then add salt, and it's a meal full of protein.

IV. Fish, pasta, lentils, potatoes and garbanzo beans (one big section) combinations of or you can make one your meal....

Cook any type of fish in the oven - usually 350 degrees for 20 minutes (unless its salmon) then its only 7 minutes - Only add a little olive oil to the top of the fish and some salt....nothing else.
Small pastina, they sell in the pasta section - boil in chicken broth till tender, this can be a soup or acompany the fish...
cut fish bitsy parts and push in with a fork,
dont need to chew this - just savor

garbanzos can be mushed down - its humus without the 'extra stuff' - i put olive oil - a tabel spoon for 2 cups and some salt...and yummy.

With the lentils, cook them like you always do- and if you dont havea recipe, let me know i have a wonderful one, and that is a full wonderful meal in itself.

Mashed potatoes are also your best friend, put real butter on them

V. baby food -
Buy any of them WITHOUT rice...rice does not help when you are constipated. Dont be fooled by baby section....look at your labels, pictures count....(below...) I said I would teach your as much I can...

VI. Desserts:
Yogurt - any
pudding - any
baby fruit desserts are wonderful, buy plenty of "prune" it will be good fof your digestive system.
Any fruit in the blender - mango is wonderful

Ice Cream

Sorbet - Trader Joe's has the best Coconut sorbet

Baby desserts are great too - specially the prune one...you need fiber remember that!

Physical Changes and Solutions*

2007-04-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

Progress
So progress means: 1) willingness to become what I have to become; 2) subjecting myself to the forces that are going to help me; 3) avoiding all that is going to pull me back.

I keep this in mind everyday ....as everyday i must make inmense progress - I remind myself how little I dont like 'not to be able to communicate with words'; have to eat liquids; and being confined to an area of 30 miles from home or Dr.....

Well physically, you will be hungy 24x7....so you will learn to manage hunger

You will loose weight, i think all people are different - Dont try it....this is time to eat as much as you can (see menu section) so that you can heal.

Having no sports or physical exercise.....drives me nuts...so i have practiced stretches and other exercises that dont move your phase. After 3rd week - I could go on treadmill and walk. I could also go in the pool and walk in the water - 30 minutes was the max I could take without elevating the pain - so easy on the physical - which is tough for me.

How to manage Pain - you must really program yourself to deal with pain - we are all different.

My lips are stretched - so you will need a lot of soft chapstick....there are many brands, just make sure its soft. Go to Things I HAD so Share - i wrote a lot in that posting.....very motivated that night - go figure?.....on the physical changes -

I leave you with some humor ...

My Flowers...& View from My Hospital Windows

2007-03-31T00:04:00.000-07:00

This cutie pie is from my friend Pablo.

He knows How I love and melt for dogs....

View in the street - i can see from my window...

this beautiful bouque is from Jim, Camille and Paige; its the winner on resistance.... this one bouque has lasted me 5 weeks, its just now blooking with a different flower - see it?

This one is from my wonderful friend Mercedes!

this one is from La chica Bum Bum and Frank Sinatra

This is from Maya and Julieta....this one too was a survivor - 4 weeks!

this beuty is from my executive coach Lorraine, who I hold very close to my heart.

This is the second runner up in staying beautiful - it's lasting also 5 weeks like Jim and Camille's...its from Shasta and Nicole -

Elena, a close friend from Cisco brought me a beutiful flower arrangemetn, she snuck it into ICU the first day....hummm, not sure how she did and it was not a little one!. I have to find the picture to post it. It was beautiful with may different spring flowers. I also got the tiniest and most delicate bouquet from Bev, from her back yard - it was just so delicate. The other one that is not in the picture is from my dear friend Terri Reid from Cisco St. Pete, she sent me a very pretty bouquet, but it did not last - i think the trip to California was tough on it. I get a card from her every week. What is the trick to my flowers? its not my green thumb or the aspirin powder they put in the arrangement - it was mom and the weather .....My mother took these flowers out every night, as its really chilli here at night and that keeps them beautiful...during the day - if it was apretty day, i would just look out to my balcony and see them if it was too cold, they were all in my family room...Thank you all for your kindness in sending these beautiful flowers and balloons to me! they do cheer me up every time i see them.....

Pain...How to manage*

2007-03-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I would write about pain, because I had no idea the degrees and stages 'pain' can come in. How attach we are to it, how to manage that the ego does not take over? so many quetions? and I touch the surface only here. What is constantly in my mind is how in the world do people who are in constant pain, people who have to endure chimiotherapy and the aftereffects, people who dont have loving family and friends (the best medicine) can do this? I have an inmense appreciation for all human beings, but now after this last 10 days....all I think about is the people who suffer and how some of them dont have medicines available - and some of them, dont even live in a city or industrial nation....I have traveled thought a lot of these countries and was paying attention to just basic food and water, today I pay attention to pain....how do they do it?

This picture could not describe more how I've been feeling. My goal was always ot keep this blog 'inspirational, up beat, hopeful. In the last week or so I have 'programed' my mind - having the choice to just take lessons from this expirience and help others deal with this. The reality is....I must write the results of my second surgery - which is unfortanetly PAIN and more PAIN.....all day and all night.

One of my best friends and spiritual teachers wrote me something so on 'point' that it hit my heart and I think everyone can use also - i will share here:

"Anabelle, I know that this has been a very difficult time as you cooperate, struggle and work for health and wholeness. Thank God you are being held in the loving arms of your
Mother and Father. How hard this must be for you, Loli and Greg, to see your
daughter in so much pain. And yet, you are there by her side bringing her such comfort.

Surrender (Ishvara Pranidhana) is the ninth tenet of the Yamas and Ni-Yamas that we
spoke of. I think at this time that the greatest act you can do is to surrender to the
healing, loving forces of consciousness that are ever-present for you. This is a time to
re-learn that ego is not what will bring you through this... it is surrender to spirit that
will take you to your next plateau.

When "in the grip of the inferior"
your personality feels frightened by imagining doom and gloom possibilities. Remember,
my dear, that this is not reliable. You are in shadow when you are in pain. When you
emerge from this chrysalis state, you will return to equilibrium and become the beautiful
butterfly you are going to be."

So these words are sitting very deep in my heart and mind... and i will work on this for the moment I am going thru NOW. I will report on it as I learn in hopes it helps you also. ..believe.

My next assignment and work for this week of April 1 - is to examine separation of self and pain I need to leverage my strength, because this pain is not going away, so i cant fight it...so my work is to understand how not to fight the pain (!!)– make it my companion, be-friend it. This is the "learning" to do. I need to understand that this is the natural way of the ego, and I cant fight it.

I have been taking such grate care of choosing when to talk and not, my bodyguard (mom's new job) has also told everyone whose called - "nope, sorry no visitors, and not talking" we only broke the rule last night with Luz and Don, friends of Juank from Tampa came by to surprise us. Luz brought a little gift and DON - he sang for us.....He is the Frank Sinatra of Tampa. We opened the doors of my valcony, and with his pationate and deep voice, he sang song after song - we had such a good time. Also their friend Veronica, who is living here now - she's a doll, and my cousin Cristina....I had not had so much fun in weeks...... the night was so wonderful...then the pain settled in and I cried (dont try this when you go thru surgery PLEASE) till 2:00 am....crying moves all the muscles, nerves, and connections which is what HURTS like the devil.

To describe this pain the best is like having thousands of needles and pins constantly pokingat your mouth...under my nose there are hard core stitches, these hurt as if someone had punched me in the lip... Net net, the pain is horrendous, i cant describe how deep and constant it is.
I see my Dr. every other day, and the hundreds of stitches are desolving every day....taking the course they should. I cant remember how many pain killers i have been on, and we are back to Ketorolac (the one that was the miracle drug in the hospital) but its really damaging to the kidnesy so you can only be on it 5 days and then you must give your body a break. My dad, keeps track, if you know him....he follows instructions dotting every I and crossing every T... in typical Goyo fashion....he keeps track in a chart on his notebook where he writes everything...he is my angel and is quick to tell me as I approach the counter..."sweetie, one more hour"....then the usual happens we look at the three of us, and twist our head, shrink our sholders, and agree ...what the heck, what's 30 mintues 'go ahead' - in which i run or they run to bring it to me....so we are a trio of cheaters - with good intentions though, sort of like 'white lies' -

I know that all of you call and cant talk to me, so your emails are wonderful - so i stay connected to my inner world. I am going a little crazy without talking, i must admit....so somtimes I talk....today I was thinking, one of thos deep thinking moments...what is wors? not eating or not talking?

Back to pain....The Doctor wrote me from Hawaii (he does this every 2 hours) so at 5:30, he said that the majority of my pain is the nerves begining to respond and find their connection, there are thousands around your mouth...then the muscles too... JOY! The face is very complex...there was once an email that said it takes x# to smile and (twice)xx# to frown, its TRUE, in my case they both hurt tons, so i now have learned how to be 'poker face' instead of mini golf game face....translucent emotions - aha! that's the freaking lesson (sorry, my bad)

so since this last email, i have to have NO movement, no talking - not even, pls. can you bring me a glass of water ;o).....for 48 hours...the true silent treatment like in ICU - ….

Just to think that he has to touch my mouth again, i ran to the magic drawer and found the good old Florida Duck tape and put it across my face (only kidding) i cant get near my mouth not even to wash it...ahh yes, i will write a "tips" page, wash your face with a make up brush, i bought myself a Channel one - yup - the best - (i never do this) and its wonderful to wash your face with no pressure from your hands and then put nice cream....all your face was stretched out to do this operation and the skin has nothing to feed it...so you MUST put moisorizer on...help your skin. Your lips will tear 1,000 times a day -

My friend Whit wrote me this - I am practicing - here is it for you! and I will write more soon on Pain Management - learning so much - Yes, TV does not work for me....meditation does a little and separating the pain from me....just saying it's my body healing, the problem is that although I am convinced that "I am not my body, that I have a body", is not working...the body is to attached to me during this process and the pain follows - and it all gets mixed in....so i have to work at something else...

Whit writes: There are only three guidelines about dealing with pain that I latched on to and used with varying degrees of success depending on my level of concentration, and I have NO idea if these will help. They helped me, but of course every person and situation is different. Here is what I used/use:1. Hold in your attention/consciousness that the body and you are different. The body, your vehicle, is in pain. Not you. Your spirit/soul is your “you.” This helped me more to accept what is and EXPLORE what it might mean (through the pain) to observe my body as a phenomenon doing something very healthy is creating pain. 2. Concentrate on relaxing very muscle in your body and to totally surrender to the moment. In short, let go. Breathe as steadily and fully as you can. The opposite of this is to grimace, tighten some muscles, and take short breaths (or hold breath).3. Focus on something that is in moment. For example, I often would focus on my breathing, as quietly as possible. But you might focus (and I mean FOCUS) on something in the room, outside the window. You might take an attention-journey up and down the length of your body and limbs to notice their state, to feel the energy within the.

Sleep Study Report Bloopers - Roger's Blog

2007-03-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

This is very very funny...it came from a great blogger from Texas. Roger - I got a kick out of them...

Total sleep time was 312 days with an efficiency index of 62%.
Snoring was pleasant during study.
Waking up choking and grasping for air.
Patient slept peacefully in waiting room, no data.
Patient left facility without permission, possibly asleep.
Complaints of inflamed memory are common.
Patient has experienced disrupted sleep since 1898.
Arrived at clinic on time, but without clothing.
Insomnia resulting in excessive sleep.
No cardiac rhythm detected.
A slight noise was noticed upon expiration.
Patient brought medicine - M&Ms.
Reports normal sleep including short bursts of screaming.
Adjusted well to full-face rash.
Patient had multiple arousals while awake.
Both studies experienced machine failure, please schedule another.
Patient claims cannot sleep without waking up, cannot stay awake without falling asleep.
His rapid heart rate eventually subsided.
Experienced no difficulty in perspiration.
Patient complains of constant traffic accidents.
PLMD test discovered no limbs.
Study indicates destructive sleep apnea syndrome.
Patient refused CRAP.
Roger's

Things I HAD to share...MMA Candidates...

2007-03-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

There are many things that happen physically to your body and face thru this process. Besides looking like Jay Leno...What i will share with you is only my experience, I can be sure that you may have a very different experience and this may or may not be helpful but my intention is to share everythign possible that can prepare you better, so here it goes:

Your face......outside of knowing that it WILL hurt for a little while....know that my experience will be different since I had to have 2 surgerys. I will share what i felt after the first surgery, actully the ONLY difference with the second surgery is that the second has been a LOT more painful and much longer recovery. Also with the second since there were more pain killer meds, my stomach was also in disarray. The rest of the pain to the nth degree after second it must be, by logic, because my poor jaw and mouth were already sore from going thru the first MMA surgery of 6 hours....then messing with my sour mouth again....is probably just a natural response. I will talk about this later, as most of you, probably all of you who read this blog that are going to go thru MMA ...So speaking of my face. Physically, I was swollen for 3 weeks the surgery bruces dont show up until 4-6 days later and these begin to turn all kinds of color. My lips were pealing and constantly shedding and hurting, I imagine it must be from all the stretching the surgeon has to do, afterall, all i had were to tiny incistions in my cheak. The stitches from those incisions are cut but Dr. after 5 days from the surgery. My other stitches were internal and they disolved. The lips begin to gain their natural state after many many tubes of chapstick...I am not kidding. The other thing that happens after 2 weeks, is that you begin to feel inside the mouth, so you begin to feel these horrible wires that are holding your arch bar.....they are not nice...they are sticking stright into your mouth - so make sure you get some wax from your doctor an shape it all over. You must, i reinforce, get a lot of little boxes of wax. I am very picky with hygene and my mouth....dentist is one i never missed since I was very young - every 6 months. So with this in mind, wax comes off every other day, when i do a deep cleaning....I will talk about the toothbrush soon.....but i always have a bottle of seilene water ( i think that is what is called) ask the hospital to give you plenty in your doggy bag. I rinse with this because it heals your wounds.....then i also bought ALCOHOL - FREE mouth wash.... so i do both ( I told you I was picky). Some people buy baby toothbrush, I did too. What i found works best is my electrical toothbrush, but 'brush' itself is very gentle....the brand is %$%%^&^&&***.

(Comercial)
ohh yes, before I forget, Johnson baby powder....is magical - they put it on my chest and arms at Stanford and I felt so good - so I now buy it and put it on twice a day - its refreshing and comforting ----no wonder babys are mostly happy after they get their powder ;o). I forgot about it and I garantee you, it too will make a difference for you.

My face around my chin area developed little bumps, like a rash. You cant see them but you can certainly feel them. So, i wash my face 2-3 times a day. I can feel the pressure of my hands and cant really do a good job of controlling how hard i press, because most of my face (eyes down) is numb...chin area mostly. So i decided to use one of my make up brushes...since I dont use make-up, i must have been with my friend Adriana and bought it out of impulse. But glad I did. I took that brush and put glicerine soap and then i can see (and not have to feel the pressure) on the mirror that I have put soap all over my face. I rince with luke warm water. After, with the SAME brush, which is magically gentle on your face, I put moisturizer, anything tha has hydration and is good for your face...if you are man reading this, get Aveeno, its not girly, if you are woman - you have tons of this all over your bathroom - any face cream...but make sure you load it on....again i think this is a reaction from stretching your face. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE, as I said, may not be yours, we are all different!

What happens with my body? yes, I am getting to that. Good news is you will loose weight...eating thru a syringe and only liquid can get crazy. so I will create a menu and helpful hings section. I LOVE to cook, so everyday, part of my energy and action goes to cooking ( I never thought in my life, I wouls say this) so strange things happen during recovery from this surgery, one of them was really knowing that cooking without being able to taste is really hard but it is still my number one past time in recovery. I am lucky my parents love me, they eat everythign I cook and every day is a different country. They sometimes end up eating also some of my recipies I will share in this blog...yummy soups! So, on with what happens to my body ( as I still experience it)...YOU must try to move as much as possible, i did not do this in days where the pain was great (most after the second surgery). After the firs surgery, i was up and full of energy in 1 week maxed...My recovery was fast. On this second one, it has not been fast and it has been a lot more painful...so this is where the famous question which comes first he chicken or the egg? comes to mind. The pain would not le me get up from my 'throne" as my dad calles it.....otherwise your best friend thru this process ' the couch'. So since you cant get up, you dont walk or exercise...which is actully worst. So I was in a lot of pain througout my mouth, and still am, primarily my lips. Then my stomach was really mest up for a few days. I think it was all the meds and not eating a lot...that has passed, thank GOD. I WAS VERY and I put in capital letters and continue to be...constipated. I do fiber in my shakes twice a day, I dont eat foods that dont facilitate the process...I have to take magnessian milk, discusting stuff that they insists is "cherry flavor" ....lots of pineaple, papaya and prune shakes....I even have issues with all this...So I hope it goes better for you - but dont feel OMG if you are constipated. This of course with all the meds, does not feel like a very healthy body....and like my mouth hygene, I pay tons of attention to food (choose organic vs. anythign) etc. I do have a stomach of a rock as I have grown up and traveled thru many third world countries, so my stomack can take anything...but its in pretty sad shape from meds and not getting rouphage ( i think the call it) from vegies and salads....just liquids -

I also experienced something wierd. My body temperature. It woudl drop like in 5 secons to being freezing and then it would also go up very high. It reminded me so much of being in Florida...its either scorching hot outside, saunas are free there, or freezing goin into any office, mall, resturant....So not sure what this is, maybe home sick =).

well I will write more on this experience soon, I am sure things will come to mind. For now I leave you with below interesting thing and sayings.

This was read at one of my sweet friend's mom's funeral… Felicia, on the right. Mrs. Rose was a pistol and very involved with her community in NY.

From Mrs. Rose Sevilla:
To laugh often and much to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;to appreciate beauty, to find the bestin others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy childa garden patch or redeemedsocial condition; to know evenone life has breathed easier becauseyou have lived. This is to have succeeded.

Isn't Beautiful?

Search Engine - UNBELIVABLE - try it.

This is the coolest search engine in the world - it is awesome! and enter any question...really..and watch what happens. I asked for where is the nearest pharmacy, also typed 'mountain bike' why are we in Iraq? ...but go ahead...try it. I was blown away by the technology...the kitty is just cute - here it is:

http://www.msdewey.com/

Dr. Visit - 6 days after 2nd surgery

2007-03-27T00:19:00.000-07:00

Funny Dr.....he still does not know me.....so he said...in a very nice tone - Anabelle, "Now what part of quiet didn't you understand?"

Overall, its been a good day today, the new pain killers are working well -

What I can tell you is that i have lost now 12 lbs...yes, that is the only part that is great about this surgery -

He also cut some of the wires and told me the 200+ stitches will begin to disolve. I will see him again this Thursday. For those of you writing me in the other blog at Sleepnet - I am not posting there anymore. I save my energy for this blog. If you need to reach me you know how.

it's been a good day and very long - talk to you soon. MAKE SURE YOU STAY QUIET>>>>>>something that I find the most difficult for me in this journey...

Post 2nd Surgery***Yo, Getto people, jelous yet? nice shiny stuff on my teeth....baaaad! to the bone. -

2007-03-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

These below X-rays, you should not worry about as you will most likely only go throught ONE MMA surgery....it just shows more wires and more screws to the jaws...

Hi, just came back from my surgeon's office. Pain level is down, very low today! hurrray! I have been very happy because I have some of my old friends from Tampa writing, my beautiful Cisco collegues, and family.......I am truly overwhelmed with love and sincere human kindness!

Well, as the tiltle says, more wires and more screws after this second surgery......Have a look and please dont even try to rob me, these are not gold screws or wires, these are titanium and they are all MINE.....i dont share - Thank God!

Meet my friend Willow, on the first picture! he is a special patient dog at Stanfordl....you know my love for animals specially Dogs.....He turly brought me such joy! i did not want to let him go.....these animals are truly healers.

Meet my Cisco Family....

2007-03-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

Beck the "beautiful heart and soul " Smile =)

Mikey! yes this ia directory picture, but charming as always! Mike, your calls and well wishes mean the world!
These 2 beautiful girls are Van Dang and Shasta Ott. Van is one of Cisco's most caring and smartest executives. She was my executive sponsor on a ww program to push IT education grades K-12. Next, is Shasta...who now has this program at Cisco. Shasta is "intern of the year' but more than her smarts, disposition, she's just a very kind and beautiful little person.

Here is Keith Goodwin, Cisco's Top Leader (yes, I am biased). I have had 8 Executive bosses, and about 20 in my career....Keith is second to none...His charisma and leadership lead one of the biggest teams in the industry! that ought to tell ya!

This here beautiful friend is Maria Fry! my Parissian nani (that is because I too tell her, she is raising my kids)....for just a little while until i get better.

Mary!!! My Special Mary! She's the first woman in Cisco, after one week in a new job, who lent me a hand and has never let go!

T
On the left, i sexy Pam....need I say more?

i still dont know how to fit all my pictures - but I wanted to put some of the pictures of these friends, i also notice...i am missing Laura Quintana, Patrick, Carmen,...My little sis Shasta....well, I have a new camera and I will get bussy soon!

Sunday....

2007-03-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today i woke up late... I rested pretty well from 4:30 am till about 10:00 am. The pain was really intolerable...I am on 3 different pain killers, they all help but you can imagine after 20 new screws on top jaw and 200 stitches, i could use about 10 more doses of pain killers - I took it easy. My cousin from London went to SF in the afternoon, I watched a movie my friend Patrick sent me. I had a bit of nose bleed, like yesterday - so not a lot of fun. We will see tomorrow. In the afternoon, i was feeling more uppety - so the Dr. called in some different pain killers and we went to get them. I felt up to it and the sun was still shining - pain began to ease off around 5:30. My lovely friend Andreina, from Venezuela, with her husband and little girl Sophia, went to the grocery store as a "surprise" God knows all my San Jose friends have offered....and then came by quickly to say hi to my parents, drop some wonderful baby food and organic soups and a bouquet of flowers.....that also made the pain go away even further. I do think this 2nd surgery has been tougher....Tomorrow I have a dr. appointment and will work a little more on the blog.
I got some wonderful emails from my friends, particularly one from Whit, one of my collegues from Gestalt - he had some great suggestions for pain - I am passing this on to you ....as some of my learnings and tips will be helpful for women with similar issues -
There are only three guidelines about dealing with pain that I latched on to and used with varying degrees of success depending on my level of concentration, and I have NO idea if these will help. They helped me, but of course every person and situation is different. Here is what I used/use:

1. Hold in your attention/consciousness that the body and you are different. The body, your vehicle, is in pain. Not you. Your spirit/soul is your “you.” This helped me more to accept what is and EXPLORE what it might mean (through the pain) to observe my body as a phenomenon doing something very healthy is creating pain.

2. Concentrate on relaxing very muscle in your body and to totally surrender to the moment. In short, let go. Breathe as steadily and fully as you can. The opposite of this is to grimace, tighten some muscles, and take short breaths (or hold breath).

3. Focus on something that is in moment. For example, I often would focus on my breathing, as quietly as possible. But you might focus (and I mean FOCUS) on something in the room, outside the window. You might take an attention-journey up and down the length of your body and limbs to notice their state, to feel the energy within the. For me the TV did not work, but it might for you.

If you try any of these, let me know what you notice.

Surf Report......and 2nd Surgery Update*

2007-03-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

Well I wish I was surfing.... instead...i feel like this puppy - just holding on...

I am practicing for 6 more weeks in the couch, look good? here is another pose....deep meditation here!

As promised and as my friend Jim from Florida would put it...."got to ride the wave Anabelle" - so besides getting a new board....i rode this one again... nope, it did not crush me....but it was really a tough one, felt like Mavericks ( in my dreams).

It's Friday afternoon, after 3 days, I'm back at home....part of me says, wow, i cant believe I am back bundled up in the couch again .....this is a deja vu....I never intended to have. I will tell you first that my expirience at Stanford was surreal. One of the executives at Cisco seats in the board of directors. She wrote the CEO of Stanford (no, you dont have to wipe your glasses or the screen), Martha Marsh, who is a lovely woman. Martha right away put the whole "special patient services" dept. at my parents and mine disposition. they came to visit my parents as soon as they wheeled me into surgery. The procedure was very similar, with the exception that the tube that used to go thru my throat for anethisia now would have to go thru my nose...I was fortunate that Dr. Li asked for the same anesthiologists, whose worked at Stanford for 25 years, has been all over the world, and has the most incredible energy and stories....he has a magic to make you forget what you are about to go thru. As they wheeled my back....well I fell sleep. Surgerny was suppost to last 2 hours, mine did not last 2 hours, it lasted 5....almost as long as the first surgery. My parents ate all their finger nails and were begining to eat their fingers, Special Patient Services came by several times to try to take them to the VIP restaurant, there was no one, not even the King of Spain that was taking these 2 away from the waiting room by ICU. The surgery was successful, well, now I am a little careful when I say that. They had to move all my top screws, shift my jaw and arch metal bars then screw all of it back in. My palate was very soft due to all the other surgery stuff, so I was affraid this time about the consecuences from having a tough 'new' gum to this poor beat up one that had gone thru the mill 3 weeks before. The Surgeon told me it took longer because the tissue was so soft and the face was very hard to align. I will post pictures of the x-rays when i get them...My nose also had to be worked on and tucked in, with the initial push out of the top surgery, it was too wide, this took him a good hour he said, all in all, a lot more complicated and involved than we thought going into it. The 2 inceisions on the side of my face are in the same place, so I wont have any more marks on my cheeks, this continues to be a miracle of his hands, when you see what has been done and with such small spaces he works with. After 9 hours since I went in the hospital, i began to wake up....Deja vu, another TRUCK went thru my face, this time I think it backed up and went thru several times... I was hooked up and asking for all the morphine Stanford carried, Yes, Mrs. Martha Marsh, said to give it to me. I am the special Cisco patient, damn it"....they carried on, I dont think they thought that was honest. Little did they know, that 3 hours later, Mrs. Martha Marsh, (let me remind you, CEO of Stanford Hospital) came by personally to visit me...I was so touched and there was so much pain, that i began to cry in front of her. I told her, and this is so true, I was incredibly touched by the time she took to visit me. She is a very kind person. Martha and her office then ordered a massage for my legs, even though I had a special machine for circulations, this was a really nice treat. My parents never left my sight, well, for a little cigarrett and coffee every now and then when the nerves could win them over. Thursday my parents showed up at 7:00 am...neither one of them ate anything, nor did they sleep ;o(. I was doing ok, i only had 3 hours of sleep, even with Ambien, the pain was scrutiating. The surgeon came by at 7:30 and prescribed a Getordal or something like this, its a very strong Ibuprofin, thru my IV, 2 other pain killers and voila....i saw relieve. It took them a while to get me the right pain killer. I felt like I had been in a boxing match with Mike Tysen, and in my dreams, i too, bit his ear and the nurses too.

Have you ever been to Stanford? Stanford gardins are the most beautiful in the world. And yes, you guessed, its Spring....so the cherry trees are blooming and all the tullips are on some sort of drugs....they were huge, blooming everywhere and they added such color to views outside my window...we raised the bed as High as it would go (about 5 feek off the floor) and I could see it all! then I took a walk the next day and got to see more of the gardins. I will add pictures to the blog so you will see this show of colors!.

My cousin Cristina landed from London on Thrusday night. She drove my parents to Stanford the next day. I am so happy to see her, she's a doll, has a beautiful smile and is kind as she can be. So I had really great company and so did my parents. That morning I also had a beautiful dog, Willow, come visit with me. She is a golden retriever, reminded me of Zik, Jayne's dog, althought there is only ONE Zik. But Willow cuddled with me on bed and she brought me some peace and a little smile. I will posts pics when my cousin comes back, she's in SF and took the camera. At around 1:00, i was ready to go, the meds are working as long as I stay on them by the second and minute. I went to Dr. Li's office, he did my nose suction (this is not fun....but it does make you breath).....lots of blood and clots and then removed my cheek stitches....after this - home to my fluffy down comforter and to see all my friends emails and good energy words that keep this process moving along.

As with everything in life and as I wrote the first time, there is a lesson in everything that life hands you....so, what I have recently learned that you will appreciate... is: I have learned the ability to simply be still and listen to my heart beat, to stop and observe the faces of those who love me, to take in every word they write to me and observe how beautiful friendship is, to love to be able to breath….I have learned the ability of observation, appreciations and relaxation. You too, should try in times of despair.

Cheers,

Chou....and his buddies (wouldn't be MY blog)

2007-03-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

My blog cannot be complete without a setion with Chou!

This beuty on cuchion is Petit Chou.... He was my soul mate for 15 years...he passed away last year. He is still the most beautiful pet in the world and everyone who came in contact with Chou or knew him...he brought a smile to their face.

This is Zeke, he was Chou's best friend and mine thru a tough period in my life. Zeke is now in heaven with Chou.

Other pics below is because I love animals, specially dogs and horses! However, CHOU hated Cats or birds....so i have to put them as far away from him as possible...scroll down....

This was so funny too - - (no offense to cats, love 'em too.)
Dog's Diary
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
********************************************************************
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

This is Daisy -

My Friends and Family - The MOST powerful force in my LIFE.

2007-03-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDRId6QmNTA

Take the time please to see this video - the words speak for themselves...if i had to make this video, i could not change any of it....Well Iwould not be who I am ....(the good the bad and the ugly) withouth all these people in my life - and these principles....this video cuould not put it better....Play, enjoy life and wear Sunscreens!

This smiling face is Valerie, she is my French sister.....since I was 15 we have been friends....her family is all over this blog...they too are my fmaily - coo-coo!

This is from my Freind Tracy & Larry (below)- our surfing couple! "May today be all that you need it to be today. May the peace of God and the freshness of the Holy Spirit rest in your thoughts, rule in your dreams tonight and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself today in ways that you have never experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer and your prayers be answered. I pray that faith enters a new height for you, I pray that your territory is
enlarged and I pray that you step into your destiny within the ministry.
I pray for peace, health, happiness and true and undying love for God."

My beautiful aunt Maria - esto es en la Manga - Spain! she is one of the funniest and most wonderful women I know - She always has a kind word for me.!

Beutiful Raquel....my cousin...she's in Cannary Island and I will ge to see her and her fmaily this year! She is very magical ever since she was a little girl.

Vane! and Helen - gorgeous, just gorgeous inside and out.

My secret Husband ....

Tracey is my first best friend, along with Chilli, in the US. We were 12 when we met - in LOL.

Chamita! always with a tan and a smile....;o)

Meet my friend Whit, Whit is quoted in the Pain section. Whit went to Gestalt Pscychology school with me....i could spend a whole blog writing about him....i will leave you with his smile and wisdom, when you look at his picture, you may get a sweet feeling - that is him....

This is my spiritual soul mate, Rafa, he was in Tibet during my surgery a month ago, imagine!His emails and wise spirit are great companions on this journey.

This beautiful girl "Luciana mi Marciana" is a special girl that i have in my heart. She is the daughter of some friends from Peru. I dont see her very much, but she's always in my heart.

Well, wisky! Next to me is Miss Venezuela, also my 'true sisterl' , we've known each other since we were 2 yrs. old and life keeps putting us together after all these years....

Julian, my best 'guy' friend in the world and Carito... his kind, wonderful & very smart wife, who is also a dear friend to me (I introduced them)....what a pretty family hu?

this here is Smokey, he is my muslim soul and guardian angel. Smokey has survided a very tough cancer. - He's an inspiration in my process

Karen and Me - An amazing woman and friend.

.

Continuing with Portia doll and grandious Felicia, friends of Gestalt.

The beautiful travelers in my life.

I consider the support and warm hands of my friends and family the best medicine thru this process. When I was young my mom asked me, what is the most important part of your body? I said the eyes, I need them to see how beautiful the world is. No, there are a lot of people who are blind....time went by and she asked me again. Anabelle, which is the most important part of your body, i thought hard and said, this time I have the right answer, we all must be great listeners, so ears, I said. Nope, you havent' got it right, there are many people in the world who are deaf. So, i thought this was just a going back and fourth game we had going - until one day, when my grandfather died, she said, this is the day you need to learn the answer to my question, the part that is most important to our body are the sholders...ahh because they hold my head? No, its because in them, a fridn can always lean his head. we all need a good shoulder to lean our head to cry in one time of our lives. In that moment I discovered what was the most important part of the body, that day i needed that shoulder. all the poeple in this blog you see have the most wonderful shoulders, i hope you too find shoulders when you go thru your surgery....and that you too have lots of friends that can lean on yours. Dont forget that: people can forget what you say, what you do....but they can never forget what you make them feel. Good friends are like stars, you dont always see them, but you know they are always there!

On top is Jill - my sweet angel Jill.

Above is Ines and Vanessa - both I hold deep in my heart.

Jayne, Zeke (Chous' best friend) & grandma....on her last trip to Florida.

Astrid and Daisy on new year's in Palmira! These two ladies, definately hold a have a special place in my heart.

Mimi - she's the Palmira jewel! And she ahs all South Tampa praying for me.....every week I get a card and pictures from my MIMI - she's truly a gem!

the 3 men in my life!

Rossi, the kindest of them all!

Mom and dad - yes I have 2 sets of parents - Madame Riche and Mr. Kind...

My faboulous family in France! I am missing my Tati Jannette....she too has a special corner of my heart.

My sista Lo-Lo - she's in Marseille ;o( ...are then tehy perfect!

Yann, en route....il arrive!!!...flying to see me this summer - straight from Paris

Gorgous niece Janae!!! why do they have to grow UP? She's just like my brother Beto - just gorgeous!

This is my best friend in the world Adriana - the most beautiful person in this world. She's been thru it all with me - my life for 12 years - everyday! and the 'everyday' is not just a saying...we laugh and cry and more laugh every day! I cant live without her!

Nestor and Cris - they are soooo far away and yet so close! Barcelona - here I come. Cirs is my dear dear friend - she is a walking laughter...this summer we were in Croatia sailing together, i never felt like this was not my family- her little ones are in the Kid's place...ohhh yes, next to her is Nestor - who cares (only kidding guapisisismo)
I am Missing ANA and QUIM...hwo are also very dear to my heart - Ana is an angel roaming in Barcelona.....she is truly an angel.

Grandma, sweet aunt Margarita =) who has the prettiest 'little' voice, can cook better than me, yes, better....and is kind as a rose. and my mom in the center ;o)

Elena and Phyllis - 2 wonderful & special friends and women!

smooch - my rotten and beloved cousin Juan!

Mr. Robert - his soul is untochable! and crazy Noni- (beutiful inside & out)

To know my aunt Mary it so know never to complaint....She has found a way to learnt to smile at the world, even though life has been incredibly hard. She's one in a million.

my little rock star! in Venezuela

This gorgeous girl, you ask? Yes, she's Laura. My beautiful cousin, she lives in Venezuela. She is the sister of the drunk in the window below, (it's not her fault!!!) and both their dad is below - he is my Godfother, and more than that, I believe he too is an angel on earth. =). We are missing Raquel - who is in the Cannary Islands, another "love".

No comment, comadration at her "best"

The whole gang in Venezuela....hard to see, but they are all gorgeous!

My aunti Luisi....i dont think there are neought words to describe her. She is sweet, kind, strong and a survivor of the most horrific cancer you can imagine. Her endurance is remarkable.....the little one is my princess niece Mariana!

mom and the boys! aren't they heart brakers!

Juan, Chi and the most beautiful and naughty niece in the world. Did I mention Juan? he is the family's teddy bear and one of the person's with the most incredible soul's on earth.

Meet my daugheter, my friend Julieta is watching her for me for a couple of years -

The smallest angel with the biggest heart! My chouchi - he has his own section...and i could right about him forever...

Eunice and Bero!
She's the most wonderful person....we met in Jr. high, i warned her about my brother...but thank GOD she did not listen. Beto is a special brother, he is wise, smart, kind and always there when you need him. You just have to be the one to call and catch him as he runs at 2,000 rpm's, but' he's there! Gorgeous people, aren't they?

This is the most wonderful person in my life! my role model. My grandmother - she's 94! I hope to go to Madrid to visit her this summer -

Roxana is my Rock mi pata del alma. No more words...that says it all...besides being beautiful! just beautiful....boy I miss her TONS.

my caretakers, my best friends, my role models, the perfect couple, the perfect parents the most nobel heart on this earth, my strength!!!

who are these gorgeous girls? My buddies! Kathy, Pam, Julietin, Valerie(French sista), Adrianita, Roxi and sweet Kippie.

Beckaroonie and me!

2nd Surgery tomorow! 3_21_07*

2007-03-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

This is my day 21 after First Surgery - I know I look like a "wanted" ad, however, this is reaylly good if you could have seen me just 3 days ago. So you are wondering - Why again, why do I have yet another surgery? well, I can give you the explanation that is rational. My top jaw is off 2mm (not forward) but off centered. My nose is not centered either...the bones in the jaws are not settling. You can imagine after braking a jaw in 6 places, operating for 6 hours, and even though I have the best doctor in the world....operating in the face with so many bones, nerves, muscles....your etc....it is, nevertheless, a very difficult operation. Everything has to fit perfectly, Thank God that one of the amazing vitues of the universe it's "healing".... So, back to why this surgery?...ahh yes, Yes, I am off centered, so we must go back and try again. I was extremely shocked, sad and without dispair....Friday when I got the news, that was suppost to be the consultation, where my outer hard wires would come off and I could talk a little and eat a little more than just liquids....but nope, the news is - we must go back. So the surgery tomorrow is at 1:00 pm PST and it will last 2 hours. (updated this blog 3 days after, actual surgery time was 5)...

My parents are still with me, of course, I have received beautiful supporting words from my family and friends and I am confident that I will do beautiful as I did on the first one. This is a big wave, and I will ride it, i wont let it crush me. So until the next surf report.....Take care and thank you for your energy and prayers.

More pics - X-rays***

2007-03-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

Fromage...

These two x-ray images represent what's inside the "fromage" smile....He is pretty great when it comes to the outside of your face, i must add... The left is before the surgery, notice the nose closed and notice no extra nails except a lovely bridge done by my favorite dentist Dr. Davis. if you examine the second picuture you notice the 4 'breaks' in the lower jaw and the pins. Now what is impressive about this second x-ray are the placks holding the cheek bone to the top jaw. Some work huh? I still think my surgeon is a magician...he did this thru two little cuttings in the sides of my face about 1/3 of an inch each. This last one is a picture from behind, you see my lovely 6 nails, 3 in each cheekbone....now I am totally wireshot so that none of this moves....just to think he has to do the top tomorrow 3/21...but this time only 2 hours. Amazing huh?

The XRays show that there is a small plate on each side of the lower jaw, each with 4 screws. On the upper jaw there is a similar plate and also and "L" shaped plate. Additionally there are 2 screws on each side of the lower jaw near the back, and an assortment of metal wires running from teeth to bone on top and bottom in the front. The good news, if you can believe it is that my Dr. said my swelling is way below normal and no signs of infection!

How is this SURGERy?*** X-Ray Before & After (Feb 26 and March 5)

2007-03-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

I wanted to put these X-rays next to each other for your to see a coparison. I am not very good at Blogging so I have to explain this as I can and hope you understand it. The first picture was taken in October, about an inch from the bottom there is like a bone that loops around to the front, rigth at the back of that bone is the space (passage) where I could not get air in at night. During the day, as you know, I can control my breathing so no problem except I could not exercise because My heart and lungs would not get enough oxygen. Also notice that the face (if you look at the profile) is very straight. The last thing to notice is my nose, it is also straight in the bottom. Now if you move to picture #2, taken on March 4, 3 days after the surgery, you will notice the large opening of the back of the air passage....yes! I can breath....finally. I can sleep too, without an oxygen machine. You will notice my profile next - way out....that is because the advanced the jaw 12 mm in the bottom and 6mm in the top. There are several nails you see in the bottom jaw holding this together. My jaw was fractured in several parts and rebuilt, I now have a buncho of screws, wires and a couple of small platforms holding my upper (maxilofacial) cheek bones to the upper 'new' jaw. My nose was also operated on, which was a surprise as this was to happen down the road in 6 months....so now have two nice open passages...The surgery lasted about 6 hours and the recovery was painful and after 3 weeks now, I still have lots of pain....I still feel like a truck went right over my face...that's it for these pictures.

HOW DOES THIS GURGERY WORK? WHAT DO THEY DO?
First of all ALL SURGERIES AND CASES ARE DIFFERENT....mine is very severe and rare....so what i am trying to do thru this blog is explain only what i know and related to my case. My surgery is 3 par and does not touch the exophagous....so its all below the eyes....almost 85% of my face....nothing in the respiratory track, which is what we are trying to avoid at all costs touching....

My surgery was 3 fold....one is the Maxillary osteontomy (upper jaw), the ohter one is the mandibular osteonomy (lower jaw) and the third one is the passage of air intake in my nose. Maxillary osteotomy (upper jaw) ... My lower jaw had to be moved 12mm and my upper 8mm....so there is not a lot of gap between one and the other. If the dr. is only doing upper, then this procedure is used for patients with a receded or deficient upper jaw, as well as patients with an open bite (apertognathia). In my case, neither one, just 'my case' - aren't I special?
When operating on the upper jawbone, cuts are made below both eye sockets, so the entire top jaw, including roof of the mouth and all upper teeth, can move as one unit. The teeth and jaw are moved forward until the teeth are in a position that allows them to fit firmly with the bottom teeth.....My top jaw was missaligned and my nose also, you can imagine, after 6 hours of trying to adjust all this so the back of my throat could be open so I coudl breath and live a normal life...it would be a miracle to do this well the first time....thus why unfortunately i had to do a second surgery...moving on...
Once the jaw is realigned, tiny screws are used to hold the bone in its new position. These screws are smaller than a bracket used for braces, and become integrated into the bone structure. More than 12 were added on the second shot.

Mandibular osteotomy (lower jaw). When operating on the lower jawbone, the cuts are made behind the molars and lengthwise down the jawbone so the front of the jaw (teeth and all) can move as one unit. I had 4 cuts on the bottom.....Once completed, the jaw slides smoothly to its new position, and screws hold the jawbone together until it heals.
Most cases for this surgery include a severely receded lower jaw is often accompanied by a deficient chin, which can be remedied with cosmetic surgery. Typically, surgeons can alter the jaws and restructure the chin, if needed, during the same surgery...not my case.

The top...is where mine did not go right and the Doctor had to intervene for a second surgery...

dont be affraid, everywhere I read about MMA, it said it was very safe... "not only preserves the functional integrity of the pharyngeal tissues but also minimizes the risk of worsened case of severe sleep apnea, in the immediate postoperative period because minimal edema occurs within the unoperated pharyngeal soft tissues." Furthermore, since the bone segments that are operated on do not move, the ONLY GOOD NEWS IS there is no pain from swallowing, coughing, and talking, unlike the excruciating pain in the other lesser surgeris that are not as effective, these are called UPPP - postoperative period after uvulopalatopharyngoplasty (UPPP).

the nose was a surgery that was to happen 6 months down the road, my surgeon decided to do it this time, thus adding a lot to the surgery but better go thru this once (or so we thought) than having to mess with my face again. He opened the nose cavity on both sides....there are pictures in the site and you can see before and after - (the holes) - you cant tell much from the outside except swollen....which mine healed better than the norm....the inside has a full stocked hardware store....and is wire shot and has stitches and the works....but only I can see or feel this, thank God , I spear my parents and friends from this.....

hope this helps, and remember ALL cases are different -

Lesson for me... The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts...manage your mind, listen to your heart, let God lead - I try to separate my fears and pain - they are circumstantial from my reality...instead focus and observe, the body is healing, its the natural process after such huge intervensions.... stay in course.

In Spanish, al mal tiempo, buena cara. Till soon -

March 19...* a wonderful awakening...more than grateful

2007-03-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hi all, Happy Monday. I just got word from Stanford that the surgery is moved to Wednesday at 1:00 pm California time.

This is been a very interesting journey….and I am not sad about the set back (only Friday I was) …I am thankful for all that I am learning and for getting to know my friends on a deeper level.

What is holding “me up” in this process? If I haven’t told you, in times like this, I have learned so many lessons, one that is upper most for me, is the amazing people that are in my life, thru your company (far and near), the prayers and deep comforting words, I truly feel blessed with such wonderful friends and family, all right by my side – THAT is what is holding my spirits UP!

Today, with another morning filled with amazement on this process, I thought hummm, “all my friends and family are praying for me, thinking of me all the time and sending me all the + energy they have”…I am so grateful but it’s just not enough to feel grateful, so I too will do my part and here it goes: ahh before that, I have friends from all spiritual believe avenues, so I will preface this by saying …”my God” and “your God” cannot be different. It is a tragedy, I mean, perhaps the greatest tragedy of the human being is that we all say there can only be one God, and yet claim that my God is not the same as your God. So below, this God I write to, is all of our Gods and/or the Universe

Dear God

Thank you for a special gift, one that cannot be bought for any amount of money. Thank you for a gift wrapped in beauty that is wonderful in all seasons, distances and times. Thank you for a gift that is always near my heart in times of need and brings great joy and comfort like nothing else can. Thank you for the gift that sparkles in my heart every day and brings a smile to the challenges life hands us.

Thank you for my friends. May I never take this gift for granted.

Thank you for inspiring me & for your kindness!

March 16 *- news....not so good ...a 2nd Surgery

2007-03-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I write, its because the first 2 weeks after surgery were pretty good! had tons of high energy and frankly was so relieved it was over....I thought, aha! crossed that bridge.

I was sleeping so much (clearly pay back from all the years i did not) that my energy levels were very high. Then this Monday, i started to feel very tired and my pain was not decreasing but increasing....I slept one day 14 hours!!! and then took a siesta the same day, still feeling pretty crappy. I never knew anyone could sleep that much. This was pretty much all week, so i had no visitors and took it very easy. I saw my surgeon on Monday, he put some wax around my lovely wires and all was good....took mom and dad for a pick nick and then slept some more.

So after this week; I knew I'd have some good news to give you, perfect timing for writing! I like to give good news...there's enough stuff going on the world to get another email that it's not a happy one.....

Following the 'normal' process would mean that next week ,week 4, my arch bars and some of the lovely hardware in my mouth is coming off. In essense this would allow me to talk a little (God knows this is been one of the hardest things ;o)), eat with a spoon, rather than thru a siringe and, last but not least, have less swelling because the wax covering the wires would also be gone!

The truth is.... the natural course did not happen ;o( My consultation today was very different than expected. The surgeon told me that....are you sitting down? really? thank God I was....I must do one more surgery, yes, surgery again! ;o(

He gave me the options of waiting 6 months but he really recommended that it gets done now, since the bone has not completely bonded to its new position. We must undo and re-do the top jaw 2 mm to the left and re-do the bottom part of ny nose. It's not lining up like expected - So, rather than coming to an end...here I go again.

I will be hospitalized next Tuesday at Stanford University at 1:00 pm - the surgery will be 2 hours, smaller than the first one and i will be in the hospital 3 days. that's it! I am truly bummed.

Well, in keeping with my positive spirit....(what's left of it)...I am sure after all this, i must be just beautiful!

So please, one more time, since it truly worked the last time... turn on all the little candles, pray to all the saints, Gods, Buddahs and wonderful people you did last time, and send me all the positive and healthy energy you did on February 28th....this time focus on March 20 at 1:00 pm California time! Mom and Dad are still with me and holding strong!

Much love,

What do you think about Before Major Surgery*

2007-03-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hello there, only 1 more day! Before surgery there is this feeling of - OH MY GOD?...I have been pretty tough up until a week bfore. My fears are more about my appearance...and I am not ever worried about looks, or make up or my hair being this or that, i am more of a sophisticated Tom boy - more into sports and living life!....NEVERTHELESS, i am very scared because this is my face...this is my identity...so you may experinece this. At times, people remind me how scary it is to go into a surgery? i dont really know, never had one (lucky me) so I want to have that ignorance. I feel extremely vulnerable and there are a lot of flashbacks of my life and me connecting the dots to why things were the way they were, like me running out of air in hikes, or swimming or biking.....why i had such a terrible memory (Ask Mercedes, or for that matter, any of my friends...they remember all the details, I barely remember yesterday) - so, there are a lot of trade offs with this surgery - in looking at it with a positive attitude....i will be able to breath, no mask at night, no danger of my heart stopping, no more air blockage (55x an hour was way too much) healthier lungs, living ...and the list goes on. I just hope my physical apperance wont be too drastic.

Well, I know you are all thinking of me and I wish I could call each of you….however, email will be faster ;o) and a good practice. First of all, let me start by saying that there are many moments during the day that I count my blessings for having you as my family and friends!.

My niece Janae, called last night to tell me that her choir at church sang a song with my name in it at mass yesterday, isn’t’ that amazing?

I am very thrilled to report my meeting this am with the Surgeon. After Dr. Li studied further my physiognomy and given the results of this month’s tests, the movement of my upper jaw will be smaller than originally thought. It will still be significant, 10mm, but hey! I will take 3 mm any day! I will be leaving my home on Wed at 4:45 am. Heading to Stanford Hospital. The surgery will be that day and the Dr. anticipates I will be home by Friday morning, so, much shorter than originally, all good news!

A lot of you have asked for my info, i sent it in email. One day this blog will be public.

Also, many of you want to call, we are not sure if the phone will work at Stanford (or if we can even have it) so here is Mom’s email xoxox She will check it at night and get back to you with an update. – this is the best way ;o).

As for home phone, its my cell – 813-382-9263 – I know talking to my mom is much more fun than me, so I will tell you that if you want to talk to me…..it will be YOU doing all the talking, for at least 6 weeks ;o). however, I can certainly type. My yahoo instant message will be up every now and then….Also, I will email from here or Yahoo address – I prefer to transition back to yahoo for these type of stuff – xoxoxo (there is an underscore after anabelle_pinto.

Thank you to Mimi from across street in South Tampa, she has put my name in her church for now the past 6 weeks, so every Sunday her congregation prays for me…pretty powerful - Adriana, Roxana and Juliette are constantly asking questions and keeping me laughing by telling me how skinny I am going to be ;o)…Rebecca has been a top nurse and an incredible friend thru this process. Rosa, from Tampa has introduced me to sor Eucebia , who is dear to her heart. Kippie, Rossi, Leta, Coco, Terri, Brenda, Kim and Bruce, Alec & Astrid from Tampa are also keeping me in their prayers…..Juliette & Maya visit me often and Adriana gave me a beautiful angel and some wonderful readings to take with me to the surgery. Roxanna also gave me a beautiful picture of us, she’s my rock!. Pam has been an incredible support too. My sister in law, who I call Eunice….has the most fascinating energy and peacefulness to prepare me.

Melissa, my girlfriend from jr. high gave me a beautiful prayer stone that is very meaningful to her and now me. Many friends from work have been right by my side and Noni & her family, Elena and Shasta did a wonderful dinner for us last night.. well, just as I thought when I began writing this email the list is so long…… and from Gestalt: precious Smokey, wonderful George, Princess Portia, Whit, Felicia, Veronica & Karen….these people are just some of the few wonderful beings in my list. Last but not least, my family from Tampa, Venezuela and Spain I talk to just about every day and grandma in Spain, who will 94 next week, has shared some amazing words of wisdom, and if you know her, you know….This is starting to sound like last night’s Oscar’s speeches, but sincerely….i am so appreciative of all of you in my life and even thought I may not write every name and what you are doing to support me, know that I am thankful for having you as my gift in life thru this time and always.

So again, between my parents, family and each of you, who have done or said something special to touch my heart, THANK YOU, I appreciate all the prayers and positive thoughts for Wednesday and beyond. I am immensely thankful, as I do believe in the power of prayer.

All my love & big Kiss,

Anabelle

How did this happen?*

2007-03-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

well, in looking back, i can only recall....that it has been 3+ years where i noticed i was tired, gained weight and my memory would failed me a lot. I was in Tampa, Florida at that a time. I decided to begin all kinds of tests from hormone to thyroyd to you name it.....I knew i did not have just insomnia, but all drs. would just prescribe sleeping pills. I still was not at ease. In this last 3 years, i wanted so much to have quality of life and energy, exercise was a master task, mind you i still dont know what is wrong with me, but i do notice i am bloated....and not myself when it comes to my energy level. I still think this is not just insomnia, there is something else. I have been now been missdiagnosed by 3 different expert doctors. but in typical anabelle fashion, persistent is my middle name. I learned how to meditate and all kinds of wonderful natural sleeping herbs....there is always new doors that open ;o).

I then got nominated by Cisco to do a professional rotation for 2 years where I'd get to work on key projects for the company. At that time, that sounded fantastic, as I had lead Latam Marketing for 5 years, it was time for a new assignement. This moved me out to Northern California, where I still live. I was in my last 2 semester of Gestalt Psychology, and exhausted with travel and school and well, not sleeping any.

Once I settled and began my job, my condition seemed to get worst....that is the memory and not beeing able to sleep withouth Ambian. I began once again the search....this time at Stanford sleeping disorder clinic....aha! you think...the best, they will find what the issue is.

I went to the sleeping disorder clinic in June, because my parents were here after the big celebration of my birthday in Napa! So, mom wanted to also get to the bottom of what the issue is with my lack of sleep. So we went on to the Stanford Sleeping Disorder clinic. I got the appointment and on we went....Well, this is a very funny part of my story that i must share, as i mentioned, we are from Spain, so siestas are just part of our lives...this appointment happen to be at 2:00 pm....humm you are putting 2 + 2 together, we went and while I am filling out 20 pages of my life history my mom decides to fall sleep - yup, she did, in the waiting room of the Stanford Sleeping Disorder clinic....2 and hafl hours later....I am done and once again diagnosed with Insomnia and given a bigger dose of Ambian, now i have CR...which now i dont only no sleep at night but i can bearly work during the day. All the cases and my attitude, level of activity pointed to me not having anything else but insomnia....boy were they wrong!....The doctor todl me to go to group therapy....I did, I'd to anything to get better, although i todl him this was not a solution...sure enough I could almost teach this class. The group was the nicest people and it is very sad how many things cause insomina and how many people have this. I gave it 3 weeks....knowing that i did not feel any better, yet worst with the new drug, i called Stanford and asked to be scheduled for a sleepign test....but "no, mrs. pinto we can't, your doctor did not order it" i said, hummm...strange....then long story short i bacame friends with the receptionist, whose name will remain blank...and she got me in August - there was one cancellation.

Here is an excellent article - with great success rates - in case you are not convinced to get this surgery - http://www.chestjournal.org/cgi/reprint/116/6/1519. My case to have 2 surgeries is very rare, ask you doctor - you will be successful with just one and they have a very high success rate. I am able to breath beautiful - and that is the goal -

Cafe con Leche

2007-03-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

hi....today was one of those days that I thought the pain was over, and yet it knocked me down for 14 hours....I did have a a treat this pm once i was feeling a little better, i had cafe con leche! it was heavenly! As you can tell by the picture..... ....it made me smile!

The days go by fast, we all thought....ohhh you need movies, books, emails.....however, there isnt' that many hours when you sleep so much. Its' probably the aftereffects of the surgery....or the fact that I just need to catch up with years of not sleeping...The pain comes and goes. Last week was much better in every way.

Another wonderful news that I shared with my parents the next day out of surgery.....!!! I I now remember what it's like to dream..... And, you know what? After I awoke, I thought to myself....oh my God....no wonder why people would talk all about their dreams and I just kept quiet thinking something was wrong with my memory...I cant remember anything, or any dreams... The first morning of dreaming March 1....2006....big day for me. Specially when you think I woke up 55 times an hour....well,who could even begin a dream? I'd been missing out on all this time, for years -- so many I can't even remember when it happened -- I haven't really been dreaming. And now in Color! So, lesson here - tressure your dreams...they are a little miracle in life.

This next section i had to share.....A friend of mine sent this to me today and I thought its just wonderful to pass this along to anyone reading the blog... print it and put it in your bathroom mirror.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.6. You mean the world to someone.7. You are special and unique.8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.So...........If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you.And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!Good friends are like stars........You don't always see them,But you know they are always there.